Thursday, 9 February 2017

Communication: An elixir of a relationship

In a bizarre incident in Detroit (US), a wife left home in a huff when she stumbled upon her husband's name along with the name of a woman in an old magazine. It later transpired that her journalist husband had a proof-reader friend prior to marriage, who was several years older than him. They were friendly and would often write combined pieces. There was nothing more to it. But the wife didn't think twice to verify this with her husband of more than twelve years and took a drastic step. This is what we call communication gap, fanned by doubt and suspicion. " Differences and doubts arise because we don't get to their roots and circumstances and don't communicate," wrote the famous psychologist William James. This is not just applicable to a marriage or a relationship between a man and a woman but is relevant to relationships of all hues.
We often stop talking to a person on a silly assumption or a perceived ill-notion. It's always better and much more advisable to thrash out the matter face-to-face, instead of harbouring ill-feelings till the wrinkled eve of one's life. Communication, especially effective communication, not only breaks down the barriers, it also leaves all with a clear conscience. I read in the 'Military Journal' of West Point (US) that there's a system in the US Army to appraise him/ her of the grave misconduct before cashiering him and this is done after the cashiered person's court martial. I don't know, whether this system is followed to this minutest level in Indian Army, but this underlines the importance of making other person aware of his deeds / misdeeds. No relation is monotrack.


We've to take utmost care to perpetuate it. In one of his masnavis, Jalaluddin Rumi describes man and his relationship with god. A person dies and after death he goes to meet his maker. He asks god, why didn't he ever give him, what he needed? " Why didn't you communicate with me through prayers," asked god. " Why should I pray, when it's said of you that you're omniscient and know what's going on in every person's heart and mind?" God laughed uproariously and said, " You're right.

But then, don't I say in Qura'an that interaction between Allah and his follower/s is also equally needed?" You didn't ask for, otherwise I'd the whole world to give you (Fariduddin Attar, 'Roz-e-qayamat', first satnza, 2nd line). The problem with the mankind is that we tend to take all relationships as monolithic. We make it an ego issue if we don't get to hear from the other person.


But we forget that s/he also expects the same from us? It needs two to tango. Granted, every relationship's based on mutual trust and faith but one must remember that no one's required to share each and every unnecessary detail with the other person, let that be one's spouse or beloved. And this is possible only when both are well-communicated, yet keeping their privacy intact and well-guarded.            
                                                               -----Sumit Paul

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