Sunday, 26 February 2017

Woman's First Love

New findings in behavioural psychology point out that  women never forget their first love and also their first kiss. In fact, women value their first kiss even more than their maiden experience of losing virginity. The researchers at Auckland University, New Zealand, asked 25 women whether they remembered their first love. Twenty one out of 25 women remembered even the date they first met their boyfriends! First love is important in every individual's life but in the case of a woman, it's all the more important.


A woman, like a man, may fall in love with a number of men but her first love remains the most memorable and it subtly regulates all her subsequent affairs. " She exhausts all her love on her first love and even if she loves again, first love remains up and above," wrote an anonymous English poetess. That's the reason, a woman's other love affairs are called 'footnote affairs' and 'trailing flings.' In her first passion, woman loves her lover, in all the others, all she loves is love. Women tend to romanticise their first love and idolise their first lovers. There's a deification process in a woman's love, precisely in her first love. She idolises and deifies her (first) lover and often (credulously) believes that he's the ultimate man. He becomes a cynosure of her life. It's rightly said that a man's love in a man's life, a thing apart, it's a woman's whole existence. Despite woman also being polyandrous like a polygamous man, she can't come to terms with her experiences, good or bad, of first love. Woman never gets over.


But for a man, it's never more than a temporary hangover. The general tenor of women being frivolous in love and like dry leaves in the wind are man's stereotypes of woman. World literature's full of coquettish women and woman's perceived ill-treatment of man in love. But a woman's sacrificial instincts in love have never been taken into account. If the world still remembers Edward Eight of England abnegating the throne for his ordinary middle-class girlfriend, why doesn't it ever remember Hollywood actress Clara Bow's first love with her unnamed gardener? She was Hollywood's original 'it'  girl (1927 classic IT, showing Clara smoke). She could never forget that gardener despite her steamy affairs with a number of Hollywood actors.


 Moreover, Edward Eight rued in the end for relinquishing the throne in preference to a ' humdrum woman.' Pakistani Urdu poet Faiz Ahmad Faiz beautifully wrote: " Ulfat-e-zan hi ulfat hai, mere dost / Mard toh muhabbat karte hain shayari ke liye (The love of  women is the real love / Men fall in love to write poetry). Since women don't find many outlets to articulate their love and there's a lack of cathartic manifestations in their (first) love, they never forget the pleasures and pangs of their maiden experience and use that heady euphoria as a compass in their affairs to come.

A woman's first love's her all-consuming passion. It's never on the fringe or being peripheral. Love's a woman's consciousness. But in a man's case, it's his conquest. That's why, all affairs of a man are more of truimphs and trophies and his women are social accessories.              
                                                                           ----Sumit Paul

  



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